7 Tips for Visiting Someone in the Hospital

“And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment . . .” Phil. 1:9

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

With so many folks in our church in and out of the hospital, I thought it would be good to give some tips for visiting loved ones in the hospital, nursing home, or recovery facility:

1. Show up

As with so many other things in life, if you show up, you already get a “B” grade. The best churches are those where the members beat the pastor to the bedside. Show up, even if you think you don’t know what you’re doing. As you will see, a helpful hospital visit is simple and straightforward. It is also biblical. We are one body: “If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together” (1 Corinthians 12:26). A biblical church is one where the members show up to the ER, the bedside and the nursing home.¹

2. Lead your gut with love

I say “gut” because for many people, hospitals and recovery facilities have smells and sights that can churn a person’s gut. Nobody wants their house to smell like a hospital. But it is also interesting that the ancients did not equate love with the heart, but with the kidneys - more in the region of the gut. Put on your big-boy love pants and walk past your first gut-reaction. You’re not there for your own comfort. You’re there out of love.

3. Pack a bit of the Gospel

Paul instructs us to walk around with the shoes of readiness, ready to share the “gospel of peace” (Eph. 6:15). Before you go, get just a snippet of a passage in your mind, to either share or pray with. Your morning Bible reading is your best source, but one that matches up well with Ephesians 6:15 is Romans 5:1. We HAVE peace with God, in Christ, regardless of our outward circumstances. He still smiles on the one hospitalized: this illness is not an indicator that He is not. This is the major reason why the elders anoint the sick person with oil (James 5:14). Anointing is a physical reminder that God’s countenance toward them has not changed, even while their physical, medical circumstances have changed.

Along with spiritual nourishment, should you pack some In-N-Out or Chick-Fil-A? Think twice about that. Not only may the doctors not want it, it may also be difficult for the person in the bed next to your loved one. No need to add to their suffering by subjecting them to the smell of french fries that they can’t have.

4. Brevity is good

Being in the hospital can be exhausting. Sick, grieving or recovering people can only hear so many words. True story - it’s around 12-15.² So no sermonizing - just one bit of grace, to one bit of life.³ If you only have 12-15 words to give hope, what would they be? (Having said that, if the person is overjoyed that you are there and wants you to stay longer, then linger as long as it seems good.)

Brevity is also important with unconscious or comatose people. Assume that they can hear everything you say.

Lastly, brevity applies to the questions we ask. We should ask few medical questions - even if you are in the medical field. First, this is because of privacy. Secondly, a hospitalized person already feels vulnerable and exposed; they likely do not want to double-down on that feeling by answering lots of medical questions. You’re not there to interrogate and solve their medical situation in place of the doctors. You’re there to give comfort and hope, in Christ.

5. NET: Near, Eyes, Touch

When you enter, have a seat NEAR to them. Sitting in a chair puts you at EYE level. If you are tall, or if you can’t find an extra chair, kneeling on one knee gets you in a good position. This way you’re not leaning over the person, looking down on them. And at some point TOUCH the other person’s body (appropriately, with sibling affection), even if it’s their foot or shoulder. The reason is that being hospitalized is very dehumanizing. You’re a pin-cushion exposed to anyone who walks in, with too little sleep, too many drugs and too much beeping around you. You feel like a big experiment, not a person. Doing “NET” can help them feel more human again.

6. Pray

Be sure to pray at some point. Feel free to pray very specifically, because God is in charge of it all. Pray for God to move in the very atoms and molecules and tissues of the person’s body, for there are no rogue particles that move against His will. Pray with hope in God’s character, which never changes, even if medical readings do. Pray to a big God, for that’s the God Who is there. And pray to a close and personal God, for that’s the God Who is there.

If the person shares a room with someone else, and they’re awake and within earshot, ask them their name and if they would like you to pray for them, too. Many patients go to the hospital alone and have no family support, so to hear prayers and receive Christ’s love from even unknown visitors may encourage and spark interest in God. As one nurse puts it: “Many are lonely and in despair - how beautiful it is to be able to share God’s love to all, especially to those who don’t know they need it. Those are the ones that need it the most.”

7. Thank the Staff

It can only help your loved one or friend if you thank the nearby staff for taking good care of him or her. It also sets a good vibe and atmosphere with these people who are often unthanked, overworked and burnt out. And it sets a positive testimony about Christ - “That person who just prayed was appreciative of my hard work.” As one nurse puts it: “This type of gesture makes a big difference in people's lives, especially when they know we are Christians.”

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Thanks to Dan, Angel and Jillian for your helpful suggestions.

1. This does not give those who are hospitalized permission to be demanding and resentful if they don’t get the kind of visitation they were hoping for. We’re all growing and doing our best. Better to do 1 Corinthians 13:7 and “believe all things” - believe the best about others.

2. I got this from the wise Ed Welch, who thinks hard about such things.

3. Credit: the late David Powlison.